Are There Really No Eligible Men to Marry?

The other day, I was reading an article in one of the dailies in which the author was bitterly lamenting about apparent ‘shortage’ of ‘good, respectable and eligible men to marry. From her bitter harangue about how ‘irresponsible men are these days’ in comparison to what she termed as ‘lovely, decent and responsible women who would make great wives and mothers’, it would be safe to assume that she was still in the club of the unhitched and was thus simply giving vent to her frustrations and that of her single friends, at failing to secure a husband.

Generally speaking ‘there are no good single men out there’ and ‘all good men are taken’ are two common place sentiments firmly and annoyingly ingrained in the mind-set of many a single woman out there who, for one reason or the other, has failed, is frustrated or is yet to hit the jackpot in the mad scamper to secure a ‘good’ man with whom to tie the matrimonial knot. 

This defeatist attitude of the lonely females club is further reinforced by the belief that today’s’ man is ill-mannered, irresponsible, lazy slob with no ambition and drive and whose sole occupation in life is drinking and generally being mean as opposed to the picture perfect men of yester-generation who was (assumed) to be the epitome of good husband and excellent father. Now, whether this claim is true or false is a topic for another day.

Truth be told however, it is not that there are no 'eligible' or ‘good’ men out there. Rather, it is the cynical attitude unmarried women generally harbor towards men and marriage that is the biggest stumbling block in their quest to satiate the marital craving. To this league of damsels in distress, there are no good men out there. End of debate. No discussions about it. It’s like hunting for a job while armed with the misconception that there are no jobs out there. As long as the slanted perception that women are the 'good girls' automatically primed to make ‘good wives and mothers’ while their male counterparts are projected as the 'devils' unworthy of becoming husbands and fathers persists, there will always exist a 'scarcity' of 'good' men. 

That said, how does one determine that a single woman is 'good enough to make a decent wife and mother' even before the said woman dabbles into the world of marriage? Is this not a classic case of judging a book by its cover? In my orbit, it is considered a common practice to give opportunity first to someone to showcase their abilities (or its lack thereof) at something before condemning or commending them? 

On the flip-side however, the perception that there are no ‘good’ men (or all good men are taken) out there is negated by the mere fact that plenty of weddings and marriages are taking place every other weekend. Wherever you turn, be it in church, the streets or the TV screens, scenes of women getting married and happily claiming to have found their ‘perfect’ gentleman will not fail to greet you. The question which begs answering is thus, where do the (numerous) women tying the knot every other weekend find their ‘good’ men if the said 'good' men are extinct or are already taken? Could they be covertly ‘manufacturing’ their good men at a clandestine factory somewhere or are they getting married to the ‘good’ men who have been taken? 

Here is the reason you are still single!

Besides, when one fails to secure a husband, when a woman remains single, who says her single status is automatically attributable to ‘lack of good, eligible men’? Look here you single ladies, the problem, if at all there exists one, could be you. You could be the only one (or together with your horde of equally self-conceited friends) who think you possess decent qualities to make you a decent wife and mother. Your supposed ‘good’ qualities could be repulsive to the men you date or meet to make them do a runner on you, or make them act manner-less in an attempt to get rid of your conceited self. For example, you could be among the horde of smug women whose achievements have gone into their heads consequently making them think men are intimidated by them. 

Two, just because someone does not fit within the strict and stifling confines of your husband eligibility criteria does not mean they are not eligible at all. They are eligible alright, but not just to you. One woman’s meat is another woman’s poison, you know! A man with a big nose or crooked feet and empty bank account may not be in your league of eligible bachelors, but to another woman, such man is the epitome of Prince Charming! Stop the denigration against someone else’s meat, you choosy oaf!

It is not yet you time! What happened to the age-old adage that there is a time for everything under the sun? Your time to jump onto the marital bandwagon has not yet come and that is why you are yet to meet your ‘good and eligible’ Mr. Right or Prince Charming or whatever. In the meantime, stop mouthing off hate speech against men-folk (it ruins your ‘good girl’ reputation), jump right into the muddy dating puddle and kiss yourself a thousand slimy frogs. Stop your cynical gymnastics and desperation just because your girlfriend has met her match ahead of you. 

It is also in the company that you keep. You can’t expect to be in the company of an all single women’s outfit whose sole full-time occupation is to belittle and deprecate men at every opportunity and still expect to find a suitor among the flock of men whose reputation you so flagrantly flog in public and private. If you are jobless, you seek professional advice from the league of the salaried individuals on pliable tricks of finding yourself a job, like them. By the same virtue, you stop whining about your status to the clueless and unmarried friends and make yourself friends from the married pool. You’re bound to get jewels of advice. 

Your perception that men are all dogs clouds your judgment. Even when you have one sitting right in front of you, your mind keeps somersaulting and projecting onto the man certain bad traits of some sloth of men you may have encountered in your horrid past. Just like your panties, your attitude needs a fresh change if you are to retain a man.

Or you were never meant to get married. At all! End of story.

A Letter to Fred Rabongo

My good sir, allow me to informally address you and your campaign team through this forum. From the outset, allow me to express my disappointment by your performance at the Homa-bay senatorial debate last night. I have always thought you a confident and adept public speaker. And I anticipated that you would apply that same confidence and poise in the debate last night. But I’m afraid you came out a little timid and unsure of yourself and the points you were trying to put across. This can only translate to the fact that you and your team did not prepare adequately for the debate. The reasons are only known to you.

Let it also be known that it was a grave mistake to join the rest of the panel in launching attacks at Moses, ODM and the county government. Yes, it is true all the accusations leveled against the afore-mentioned. Nevertheless, you and your team should know that formal debates is the wrong platform to direct attacks at your opponents and their perceived weaknesses. That is something better left for the noisy political rallies. For in your collective attacks on Moses, you inadvertently and unwittingly bequeathed to him a huge chunk of the debating time. The more collectively attacked, the more he was given time to respond to your allegations. Consequently he gained 'visibility' in simply responding to your accusations. Meanwhile, his restraint from attacking the whole lot of you succeeded in painting him the 'innocent' who had to bravely bear the brunt of his bitter elders.

Remember that one time he threw back an inescapable  rejoinder at you that you were in the same ODM (that you were busy castigating) till a month ago? Well, he had you!

Sir, we all know that the best strategy in public debates is to try as much as possible to draw the spotlight away from your opponent and instead focus it on yourself. In marketing yourself. In making yourself conspicuous, not  in the manner our combative professor did, but in a calm, composed and sure-footed manner with which Moses did. Even if he was merely bullshiting. He ran away with the debate trophy.

I have been an admirer and supporter of yours even though we have never met. That is because you espouse qualities desirable in a leader. And due to the civil, organized and issue based manner in which you have been campaigning without having to resort to driving your opponents names through the mud. It made you a candidate I would vote for without minding the party tickets upon which you campaign on.

So what made you revert to doing what you did last night? Could it be because of the pressure to have the audience clap for you just as they did to those attaking Moses, ODM and the county government? I hope not even though it seems that way. Please Leave the attacking to your political attack dogs in your team as you put more emphasis on your strengths.

Yours sincerely,
Potential Voter.

Moses or Okundi; It’s a lose - lose situation for Homa-bay.

In exactly ten calendar days from today, residents of the beautiful lakeside county of Homa-bay will be headed to the ballot box for the final showdown in the by-election to fill the senatorial seat that was left vacant following the demise of Otieno Kajwang’ of the ‘bado mapambano’ fame.

It’s now a foregone conclusion that the top two contenders for the vacant senatorial seat are young Moses Kajwang’ of ODM and Philip Okundi of MDP. As matters stand, either of them could clinch the county’s’ coveted senatorial seat.

Lacking in magical powers to forecast the future however, I cannot foresee who of the two is most likely to emerge the winner of this bitter duel. It could go either way. But, as sure as the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, I know with certainty that a win by either of these two gentlemen will not necessarily translate into a win for the good people of Homa-bay. And this is why.

Now, should the hitherto unknown young Moses Kajwang’ clinch the seat, it will not be because he is (was) the best candidate, with a better blueprint of policies for representation of the county. It will not be because he is better suited and the most qualified contestant for the seat. As it is, his ‘suitability’ is pegged on two aspects; his youthfulness and the favor he carries with Raila Odinga. Had Raila (ODM) opted for another candidate, absolutely none of his current crop of supporters would have been parroting about Moses even if he had presented his candidature on another ticket. Please note also that youthfulness does not automatically portend good leadership. Neither does having the support of Raila. Since followers of Baba cannot entertain the notion of ‘embarrassing’ their leader, they will undoubtedly vote for Moses. Moses Kajwang’s victory therefore will not be because of his impeccable leadership credentials. It will be exclusively attributed to the political influence of Raila Odinga over the region. 

In which case a win by Moses is a win for the ODM party leader as it would immensely contribute in sending the message that his political grip over the region is still intact. He will remain the undisputed kingpin of Luo Nyanza. Young Moses too will benefit greatly for he will immediately begin enjoying the trappings that come with the senatorial seat. A fleeting celebratory euphoria is all his voters will relish.

Sooner or later though, as is our wont, we are bound to begin complaining about misrepresentation, or its lack thereof. In the heat of the moment, we will forget that it is our inability to think beyond the prevailing political atmosphere that put the wrong person into office, as is currently personified by the myriads of complaints emanating from the constituents of Ndhiwa who are displeased with the current MP, Augustino Neto.  In spite of a similar fury over under-handed machinations in ODM, Neto was voted in because of a) his youthfulness, and b) to spare Raila the embarrassment of a loss; the same reasons that might give Moses his win. Now, the same people who put him (Neto) in office have leveled all manner of accusations against him ranging from misrepresentation, mismanagement of funds to disloyalty to the party leader. Remember Neto was not elected for dearth of better suited, development oriented and visionary competitors. Ndhiwa had the likes Martin Owino (the current Chief Officer of Health, HB County) who is presently doing a creditable job in the health docket a midst the chaotic labyrinth of confusion and gluttony that is the county government of Homa Bay.

A win by Phillip Okundi on the other hand will be the culmination of the anger and rebellion by a section of the populace over perceived dictatorship by the Cord leader. By voting in Okundi, this section will merely be giving vent to their anger. Because Okundi has dared to give face to their rebellion, he may well get elected. His ‘suitability’ too will be two-thronged; a) his rebellion, and b) his perceived animosity with Homa-bay county governor. Again, his election will not be based upon his credentials and leadership abilities or plans for the county. It will be a protest vote cast out of anger. And we all know that matters that are done out of anger do not always herald the best outcomes. It will also be because of the perception that his indifference to Awiti will automatically lead to him questioning the runaway mismanagement of funds currently being witnessed in the county. Even though the role of the senate is to collectively exercise oversight over national revenue allocated to the counties, the onus of putting Awiti in check is the prerogative of the County Assembly, your Ward Reps, who are presently content in sleeping on the job while the county wastes away. Let us also not forget that in the last general election, Okundi was rejected in the gubernatorial race because he had been previously ‘tried as an Mp and found wanting’. His win will mean that the people of Homa-bay are no better than dogs that consume their own vomit. 

A win for the voters of Homa-bay will only come about when we begin to sober up from the subsequent political exultation and euphoria that surround and permeate our collective minds and psychology during campaign and election periods. When each individual candidate is assessed not on their affiliation to party or political godfather, but on the merit of their leadership credentials, integrity and policies upon which they base their candidature. As you will be voting in Okundi or Moses, let it be known that suitable candidates who embody good leadership qualities and competencies are in the current senatorial race either as independents or through other parties. Most people are impressed with the political maturity being displayed by a candidate like Fred Rabongo. The reasoning that we are sparing him till 2017 general elections does not hold any water.

Be that is it may, I'm well aware that the imprudent herd mentality of voters will always hinder them from seeing beyond their noses and electing individuals with great leadership merits.