Are There Really No Eligible Men to Marry?

The other day, I was reading an article in one of the dailies in which the author was bitterly lamenting about apparent ‘shortage’ of ‘good, respectable and eligible men to marry. From her bitter harangue about how ‘irresponsible men are these days’ in comparison to what she termed as ‘lovely, decent and responsible women who would make great wives and mothers’, it would be safe to assume that she was still in the club of the unhitched and was thus simply giving vent to her frustrations and that of her single friends, at failing to secure a husband.

Generally speaking ‘there are no good single men out there’ and ‘all good men are taken’ are two common place sentiments firmly and annoyingly ingrained in the mind-set of many a single woman out there who, for one reason or the other, has failed, is frustrated or is yet to hit the jackpot in the mad scamper to secure a ‘good’ man with whom to tie the matrimonial knot. 

This defeatist attitude of the lonely females club is further reinforced by the belief that today’s’ man is ill-mannered, irresponsible, lazy slob with no ambition and drive and whose sole occupation in life is drinking and generally being mean as opposed to the picture perfect men of yester-generation who was (assumed) to be the epitome of good husband and excellent father. Now, whether this claim is true or false is a topic for another day.

Truth be told however, it is not that there are no 'eligible' or ‘good’ men out there. Rather, it is the cynical attitude unmarried women generally harbor towards men and marriage that is the biggest stumbling block in their quest to satiate the marital craving. To this league of damsels in distress, there are no good men out there. End of debate. No discussions about it. It’s like hunting for a job while armed with the misconception that there are no jobs out there. As long as the slanted perception that women are the 'good girls' automatically primed to make ‘good wives and mothers’ while their male counterparts are projected as the 'devils' unworthy of becoming husbands and fathers persists, there will always exist a 'scarcity' of 'good' men. 

That said, how does one determine that a single woman is 'good enough to make a decent wife and mother' even before the said woman dabbles into the world of marriage? Is this not a classic case of judging a book by its cover? In my orbit, it is considered a common practice to give opportunity first to someone to showcase their abilities (or its lack thereof) at something before condemning or commending them? 

On the flip-side however, the perception that there are no ‘good’ men (or all good men are taken) out there is negated by the mere fact that plenty of weddings and marriages are taking place every other weekend. Wherever you turn, be it in church, the streets or the TV screens, scenes of women getting married and happily claiming to have found their ‘perfect’ gentleman will not fail to greet you. The question which begs answering is thus, where do the (numerous) women tying the knot every other weekend find their ‘good’ men if the said 'good' men are extinct or are already taken? Could they be covertly ‘manufacturing’ their good men at a clandestine factory somewhere or are they getting married to the ‘good’ men who have been taken? 

Here is the reason you are still single!

Besides, when one fails to secure a husband, when a woman remains single, who says her single status is automatically attributable to ‘lack of good, eligible men’? Look here you single ladies, the problem, if at all there exists one, could be you. You could be the only one (or together with your horde of equally self-conceited friends) who think you possess decent qualities to make you a decent wife and mother. Your supposed ‘good’ qualities could be repulsive to the men you date or meet to make them do a runner on you, or make them act manner-less in an attempt to get rid of your conceited self. For example, you could be among the horde of smug women whose achievements have gone into their heads consequently making them think men are intimidated by them. 

Two, just because someone does not fit within the strict and stifling confines of your husband eligibility criteria does not mean they are not eligible at all. They are eligible alright, but not just to you. One woman’s meat is another woman’s poison, you know! A man with a big nose or crooked feet and empty bank account may not be in your league of eligible bachelors, but to another woman, such man is the epitome of Prince Charming! Stop the denigration against someone else’s meat, you choosy oaf!

It is not yet you time! What happened to the age-old adage that there is a time for everything under the sun? Your time to jump onto the marital bandwagon has not yet come and that is why you are yet to meet your ‘good and eligible’ Mr. Right or Prince Charming or whatever. In the meantime, stop mouthing off hate speech against men-folk (it ruins your ‘good girl’ reputation), jump right into the muddy dating puddle and kiss yourself a thousand slimy frogs. Stop your cynical gymnastics and desperation just because your girlfriend has met her match ahead of you. 

It is also in the company that you keep. You can’t expect to be in the company of an all single women’s outfit whose sole full-time occupation is to belittle and deprecate men at every opportunity and still expect to find a suitor among the flock of men whose reputation you so flagrantly flog in public and private. If you are jobless, you seek professional advice from the league of the salaried individuals on pliable tricks of finding yourself a job, like them. By the same virtue, you stop whining about your status to the clueless and unmarried friends and make yourself friends from the married pool. You’re bound to get jewels of advice. 

Your perception that men are all dogs clouds your judgment. Even when you have one sitting right in front of you, your mind keeps somersaulting and projecting onto the man certain bad traits of some sloth of men you may have encountered in your horrid past. Just like your panties, your attitude needs a fresh change if you are to retain a man.

Or you were never meant to get married. At all! End of story.